Empty Nest Syndrome – Silly or Serious?

“Empty Nest Syndrome” – this belittling term sounds like a joke, doesn’t it? And yet, parents all over the country are coming to terms with their children leaving home and to the fundamental change in their lives brought about by this big step. For some, it’s manageable, “one of those things”, maybe even something to be looked forward to. For others it is, as one mother described it to me recently, “a bereavement”.

Jenni Murray, the Woman’s Hour presenter, recently wrote very movingly about her feelings as her youngest son prepared to leave home for university. She described her grief, her fears both for herself and for her son, and the unwelcome knowledge that her life (and that of her husband) will never be the same. Lots of parents, perhaps particularly mothers, will recognise these feelings.

Everyone reacts in their own way, of course, but there are issues common to most. Worry, or even fear, about how the youngster will cope on their own. Fears about the distractions and pitfalls that their son or daughter will be facing without the day to day support of their family. Grief at the sudden departure of a much loved child, loneliness or depression, uncertainty about the role expected of the mother or father now that the youngster is much more independent, pain at no longer being central to their offspring’s life. For many parents, these feelings are very transitory. Positive feelings take the place of the negative ones: pride and happiness at the achievements of their offspring, and a realisation that this new situation opens up opportunities for the parents to develop their own lives. For those who find it hard to adjust, what can be done to help?

Homeopathy can be very effective in rebalancing the emotions. A remedy might be prescribed for the acute state that the patient finds themselves in, perhaps one of the classic “grief” remedies, or a more long term view might be taken and a constitutional remedy that fits the whole person prescribed. Bach Flower remedies are ideal for gently easing distress and pain and adjusting to change. NLP techniques are easy to learn and put into practice. You can learn how to reprogramme your feelings, change the way you feel and react (for instance, breaking the link between that favourite photograph of your son or daughter and bursting into tears!), and think yourself into a happier state of mind.

Keep smiling, remember how positive this is for your child, and get help if you need it. Even a consultation just to chat to a professional therapist could make you feel better. And remember another true cliché – they’ll be back to do their washing!

 

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